*bilchyfizz__________________ i cant find myself
/Sunday, October 17, 2004
/13:27

Yeah..! Todae is our 4 mths anniversary. (",) Hmm... 4 mths hv passed. Hw fast time flies. Lots of stuffs has happened. So much tears hv been shed, due to many reasons. 4 mths of pain. 4 mths of blissful joy... Todae, I woke up frm a strange dream knowing in my heart dat I truly lurve Rus. In my dream, Im back wit Fadhil. I was sitting wit my gurlfren n Fadhil was on d other side talkin to his guyfren. My fren was complaining to me abt sumthin, n suddenly I realised dat Im nt really happy to be back wit Fadhil... I asked myself do I really wanna be wit Fadhil. And in my heart I knew d ans.. Then I wondered where Rus is cuz he's nowhere in sight. I became worried n started lookin fer him. I went into a forest, sumhw knowing dat he's on d other side. D forest is vry cramp(full of trees) n I was scared cuz its kinda dark in d forest. Suddenly, a grp of ppl came running towards me frm d other side to block me n when I turn ard, there's another grp of ppl running towards me to hold me back. I was trapped. Then d whole scene change. Im at a park n ppl are cutting up d ground. And at a particular corner, when d ground was lifted up, theres a vry beautiful pond beneath. D water is vry clear n there are lil fishes swimming in it. A guy was with me n i felt vry relaxed n happy. Dats when I woke up. And d moment I opened my eyes, I realise dat I luv Rus wit all my heart n I cant afford to lose him.. (",) Its a vry weird dream but there's a meaning to it. Nw, I dun think Im confused anymore bout my feelings. I nw noe dat I've moved on.. I believe Im no longer trapped in my memories. But d scars are still there-n its healing. Slowly, but surely. (",) I lurve ya Rus...always.

xxmuackxx
___________da story endz like this..




_____B I L C H Y_____

I'm shy. sensitive. gentle. patient.
I'm exuberant. lively. exhibitionist.
I hide the considerable depths of my character under a
cloak of frivolity.
Sometimes I make no sense.
Sometimes I'm perfect.
Sometimes I'm a mess.

Narcissist.
If I don't love me, who will?

I do not give myself easily and are sometimes accounted cold.
If I'm deceived my anger is terrible.
If disillusioned, I do not forgive.


Try figuring me out. You never can.
I am all extremes...



I.N.T.I.M.A.T.E.S.

LAF
ayu
bubz
eila
fad
fara
horny bitch
nad
ns
runn
shashi-mee
syafiq
syira
van
wan khai
yan han



h.u.s.h. ___ h.u.s.h.