*bilchyfizz__________________ i cant find myself
/Friday, March 24, 2006
/21:35

dis shyte made me sit dwn n think. i was crushed at first. i was really hurt. but after dat, when i calmed dwn a lil, i feel.. well, i was emotionless. i was really disheartened abt dis relationship. there's like no solution to dis prob. there is la but d solution is fer me to change dis attitude of mine which is like vry close to impossible. its the same shit all the tyme. ive tried to change so many tymes since years ago. but if i dun succeed then, wat makes u think i cn now? i dun think i can. i can change la... but only fer awhile. fer d first few mths mayb? but after that im bound to ferget n then ill return to ma old self. n this shyte would happen again. n mayb like u said im finally gonna get a tite slap frm ya. haha. well, i nearly gt one juz now uhh. (thankyou helmet)

and all d things u said dun help either. kept comparing me wit ur ex-girlfriends. u regret treating d person who treats u so well badly, n treating the person who treats u like dirt like a princess. fyi, i do not treat you like dirt. well, i dun think i did.. itz juz dat i dun treat ya gd enuf like hw u want me to. im not naturally sweet, lovey dovey, ladylike n u know dat. so itz hard werk fer me to act dat way.. ure forcing me to be wat im not n it frustrates me.. theres so much anger in me. n bcuz of dat, lil things u do wud irritate me n cause my anger.

anywayz its not like i treat ya badly all d tyme. rite? rite. itz only lately wit all dis werk stress dat i cnt cntrl ma temper. before dis evrythins fine wat.. nw dat im hvin ma itp, itz werk werk werk all d way. im vry tired n stressed n i took it out on u.. im sorry.. u tried so hard to make me happy n yet i always end up getting angry at ya. i can imagine hw dat feels. im really sorry..

you said if i think i can change, that we cud be happy n there wnt b any more quarrels then call ya n cme find ya. if not, then let things be as it is. u live your own life, i live mine. im torn. i dun wanna live ma own life w/o ya. but i know i wnt change. i mean, not permanently dat is.. itz not dat i dun wanna.. but i juz cnt. i dun know wat to do. im really disheartened by wats happened.

ure makin me lose ma feelings.

xxmuackxx
___________da story endz like this..




_____B I L C H Y_____

I'm shy. sensitive. gentle. patient.
I'm exuberant. lively. exhibitionist.
I hide the considerable depths of my character under a
cloak of frivolity.
Sometimes I make no sense.
Sometimes I'm perfect.
Sometimes I'm a mess.

Narcissist.
If I don't love me, who will?

I do not give myself easily and are sometimes accounted cold.
If I'm deceived my anger is terrible.
If disillusioned, I do not forgive.


Try figuring me out. You never can.
I am all extremes...



I.N.T.I.M.A.T.E.S.

LAF
ayu
bubz
eila
fad
fara
horny bitch
nad
ns
runn
shashi-mee
syafiq
syira
van
wan khai
yan han



h.u.s.h. ___ h.u.s.h.